Easily Broken
by Kiwi Ninamori
Summary: Akito has cause pain and suffering to the Sohma family long enough. Not only that he disapproves same sex couples in his family. At request, one kind heart dog can change that. But it is so wise to tapper with such a fragile heart. ShigurexAkito
1. Glass Tear

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fruits Basket or any of its characters, but I would love to that way there would only be yaoi couples and maybe TooruxKyou,lol.

**Warnings: **This is a Yaoi/ Shounen ai fic, so in other words Akito is a boy. And I won't have it any other way. As much as it is concerned, most of the fic is PG-13 with occasional R. For angst, mature themes/ sexual content, and language.

**Note: **I need a beta! So if you like the fic after just the first chapter and is online very often, then please assist!

**Summary: **For those who don't know, this fic is a squeal to a KyouxYuki fic I have called 'The Cat In The Mouse'. As of right now, Akito is being his usual self and disapproving all marriage request by the Sohma family. Having suspected Yuki and Kyou liking each other, Akito has sent Kagura to live under the Sohma roof. Knowing her love for Kyou, he thought she would change his mind and stop him from this relationship; but instead she supports them. And now gay couples, YukixKyou, have decided to take a stand. In order to make Akito understand the good in same sex Sohma relationships they are trying to turn Akito gay! And who better for the job than our own Shigure Sohma?!

**Easily Broken**

**Chapter One**

**Glass Tear**

Pain. When I hear that word I can't help but laugh. A meager word signifying suffering and despair. But there is more to this, to me, then meets the eye. Though its hard to believe, even I've experienced this pain, me; a heartless leader of the Sohma family. Through the eyes of those I watch over, I've only caused more pain without a care in the world. Then why is it I am suffering the most? Upon birth, my fate was decided. Without my consent, I was picked to bare the weight of my kind, to take anyway all their pain and suffering. To restore what little hope we could grasp in these troubled times. I was chosen to sacrifice all I have to ensure those that depend on me, don't suffer as I have. I was chosen to die. But of course the pain, I've caused them, may never amount to the pain I have or will experience.

No matter what I do. No matter how much I want to share this pain. To place my burdens on the shoulders of others...I can't. So there is no use in me trying. Why is it that I cause others pain? Is it pure instinct when gifted with power over others or is it just the lonely feeling of not wanting to go through my suffering alone?

I want to be freed...to be allowed a chance. I'd give anything to be the helpless soul, relentlessly being picked on by one such as me, one who's fate is more painful then any of your own. I want...to live.

God. Why have you forsaken me so? Why is it I am to die while those less worthy of living walk the planet carefree? Is it you are angry with my position of having control over them? Am I in your eyes a merciless ruler, a god. Well, I never wanted to be! I never wanted this responsibility...I never wanted to be the head of the Sohma family! I never wanted power! I want to live! I want to live! I want...to live!

Pale, shaky hands nervously lifted up in the air, reaching out. The same white bird that remained around this cursed prison known as the Sohma mansion, ignored the unspoken request of a frail and ill-stricken soul. It was its usual response to ignore the boney hand I had hoped to be its perch. But by now I was use to it. Being ignored and hated that is. These hands...these dreadful hands...had caused so much pain already. So I don't blame the bird for avoiding them. It is only natural to flee from danger. And that's what I was...dangerous.

So here I remain in a prison. I was told to remain within these same four walls for protection. I was too ill to abide in the outside world, so I've admired its beauty from my lonely porch, only occasionally visited by my doctor, Hatori. Though there is an immense source of tension between us, he continues to subdue to my every whim. I can only imagine the anger he posses toward me, for destroying his engagement to Kana; his one and only love.

Suddenly my line of thought was met with a disturbance as the brunet doctor walked into my room. He held his regular solemn expression when approaching me, today was no different. "Akito, Shigure is here to see you." He announced polity, waiting for my response. I waved my have in acknowledging him, allowing him to tell Shigure to come.

I heard his sturdy footsteps fade as those of a black haired man came into ear shot. Shigure, a loyal dog of this family. Regardless of his position and friendliness to others, I could depend on him the most. I know, being the strict head of the family as I am, some members will try to find things from me. But I could always count on Shigure to be straight forward.

Never turning my gaze from that of the peaceful spring outside, I spoke demandingly. "I expect everything is going well with Kagura under your roof. Unless she has found a reason to be rowdy and disrespectful due to a certain discovery about a certain orange headed cat." I asked knowingly with a hidden smirk.

"Why send Kagura over to prove your speculations, if you already have a firm belief you're right?" Shigure questioned seriously. I was expecting a different answer from him, but this was also predictable for him.

"I take it she doesn't mind then?" Without even glancing back at him, I could feel his heated glares and it shook me a bit. "I actually expected her to go ballistic over finding out Kyou has not only had feelings for Yuki, but they share an actual relationship." I sit up from my laying down position and smirk cunningly. "It seems even Kyou and Yuki have found someone to accept them. What better situation?!" I laugh. "Not only do they both understand the suffering of being a Sohma, they understand the same gender troubles none the less." I wait for a much needed reply from the black haired man, but he remain silent for awhile.

"Kagura understands what its like to be in love. She understands if you truly love someone you would sacrifice for that person. In her case she must sacrifice that very love in order to ensure Kyou is truly happy. Whether it is with her or another." I hear him explain calmly. But I can't believe what it is he has just told me. Speechless, I suddenly find the dirt on the floor more interesting then this conversation. "Why did you send Kagura?" Shigure asked again, this time more furious.

As blunt as possible, I answered. "I knew she would stop them."

"But she didn't. Not only has she accepted them, she supports and helps them." Shigure says coldly. Instantly a dreadful feeling came to me, foretelling what question was to come. "Why is it you hate their relationship, their happiness? Hatori's and Kana's, Yuki's and Kyou's, anybody who's related to this family."

Just as I expected, my worse fears were recognized. I couldn't answer any of that question. I couldn't...because I didn't know the answer. I've spent years trying to solve the complicated puzzles of my mind, failing every time. In a panic, I ignore the question and merely lay back down. I didn't have the courage to look Shigure in the eye after that questioned. Because I already knew what cold expression awaited me if I did. I knew if I looked into those two brown eyes, they would be scanning my own gray ones for the answer. I feared he would find that answer, before I could. And he would hate me more for it.

I heard a muffled growl as he raised to his feet. "Akito." He calls my name maturely, as if to parent me. "You are very childish for one that is to lead this family. Little children focus their pent up anger and jealousy on others, adults would kindly convert such envy into acceptance. Allowing themselves to be happy for others. But you..." He barks loudly, "are beyond that. Taking out such aggression on those people that were fortunate enough to find someone to love and care for them!" Those same confident footsteps head toward the door, stopping just as he side it open. "Until you fight these hateful demons of your mind, you worse fear will meet you and you will be the last one without out someone!" And violently, he jerks the door closed as I hear angry footsteps marching away.

In a delayed reaction, I rushed to my feet and turned around. "Shigure!" I yelled helplessly at the close door. Only a empty room. I tried to retain a calm composure but the sickening feeling in my gut, rejected my simple request. Falling to my knees, I slammed my fist furiously into the hard wooden floor. Allowing the pain to seep into my knuckles as I repeated the action again, and again, and again. "I hate you, Shigure!" I found myself hollering at the invisible figure. "I hate you..."

You accused me of child like behavior and aggression driven by jealousy! Why would I be jealous of them?! Why?! Because they've found love?! Because they are able to love in return?! Because...because...

"They are able to...live...?!"

A single tear found its way to my cold eyes. A tear I thought to be almost nonexistent, a tear I had never in my life thought to shed. A single tear which fell to the ground and scattered its broken pieces across the floor. Like glass, its meaning is clear, and it hurts.

It's because of them I feel this pain. It's because they can love...to live. And they live...to love. Two unreachable possession I can never obtain. A life, one without fear of my soon to come demise and love; an emotion I could grasp if only I ad enough time. Even if I managed this impossible feat, I would only love long enough to hurt and be hurt. The realization of having found love only to lose it in a matter of days would be too great a pain for the both of us.

My best chance of happiness in this life time is to continue to endure more pain. As long as I hurt others...I won't be missed...I won't be loved. I wouldn't lose the precious gift of having found a friend and being torn so suddenly from that friend. By causing others pain...I can save them...from the greatest pain. The pain of loss, death. As long as I can save them from that pain, I can be happy. I can live, knowing they were spared from such suffering; even if it was only for a few more days.

So, I'm not jealous. I'm not. I know I'm not. Their days of suffering have just begun with a prolonged life. But me, my pain is near finish. I only have a few more days...

A/N: How was the first chapter, I know its a surprise for anyone to see Akito cry, but as he explained this is a first for him as well! So please review and keep alert for the next chapter!


	2. Woe Is Me And The Tears I Cry

**Chapter Two**

**Woe Is Me And The Tears I Cry**

The sun quickly hid its shy head behind the horizon as the moon came into clear view. What had started out as such a promising day had weakly faded into a depressing and mournful evening. Shigure, after so suddenly leaving Akito's place, walked home in the looming darkness. He was pleasantly met with four friendly pair of eyes. Two belonging to his cousins, Yuki and Kyou, who were hoping to be married soon; though everyone had their doubts about Akito allowing such a marriage. And the other pair of concerned welcoming eyes belong to an easily accepting past admirer of Kyou; Kagura. Tooru as well was among the other Sohmas

"So why did you go visit Akito today?" The kind brunet asked, curious to what they had spoken of. Everyone around the Sohma house, knew Shigure and Hatori were the only people who could sustain an actual conversation with the rowdy teen.

"My intention was to ask if he would allow Yuki and Kyou's marriage, but I treaded upon a new subject." He sighed remorsefully, pulling some of his short hair from his face. "But if I had asked, I still doubt he would approve."

"Why is it he hates us so much?" Kyou interrupted with a pout, he crossed his arms and sneered at the thought of the rude man. "We've all spent most of our lives obeying him and his ungrateful ego, but he won't even allow his own family to wed."

"It is because he fears such exposure to love, will encourage him to seek out this relationship. If he sees others in love, he will no doubly be jealous." Kagura answered before Shigure could explain.

"If you ask me, I think he gets kicks out of watching us all suffer like him. Just because he is destined to be lonely and miserable for the rest of his pathetic life, doesn't mean we all should have the same fate." Kyou complemented angrily. "I myself, couldn't be happier his cruel rein over the Sohma family is coming to an end. The moment he leaves, we will finally be able to marry." He smiled to the quiet man beside him.

"Don't say such things! If he was to hear you speck of him in this manner, he would ensure his last days would be spent making you suffer more!" Kagura was quick to respond upon hearing such a wish from the disrespectful cat. "Plus, others do not feel as you do..." She whispered, looking concernedly at Shigure.

"It's alright Kagura, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. No matter how cruel and unfair they may seem to others." Shigure replied coldly glaring at Kyou. "But such speculations are unfair and mislead. I for one, would consider Akito a misunderstood soul. He has his reasons for treating others the way he does. You must be patient and kind with hearts such as his. If you expect too much of him, it will surely back firer."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were defending him!" Kyou stepped forward, looking Shigure in the eye. "You have a lot of confidence if you think you, a simple writer, can claim the heart of Akito. He will merely push you aside every time you try to understand him."

"I don't intend to claim anything, at the very most...I want to be his friend." Shigure, furious with the criticism from Kyou, glowered at the young male and headed for his room. "Unlike you, I won't leave anyone to die alone like all the rest before him. I may have agreed to help you and Yuki convince him to let you marry, but I'm not going to pretend to be his friend. Even he deserves more than that." And with that, se viciously slammed the door to his room.

"Why is he like that?" Kyou asked no one in particular.

"Shigure has always felt sorry for Akito." Tooru finally spoke up after the long silence during the conversation. "He may not show it, but Shigure sees his need for a friend. Even though he refused such an offer, Shigure is determined to provide him with that shoulder to lean on when he needed it. Yet, he still denies Shigure as a friend, Shigure continues to push forward. In a way, Shigure has already considered himself as his one and only friend."

"Well he shouldn't! A position like that only leads to misery and sorrow. Once he is gone, he will find himself miserable." Kyou barked in response. "Akito will bite his head off if he finds out this plan anyway."

I want to say Shigure's words had fallen on deaf ears, but I would be lying. It was an unmistakable truth I had to face. And it wouldn't be the first time I had to admit Shigure's words had meaning. He, who I least expect, understood so much about the world and people. It baffled me to the very brink of insanity. I, who had never lived one day outside of my shell, my mansion's wall; would never grasp such knowledge. Yet, such a simple heart such as his has manage to untangle the complex threads of humanity. Meaningless words in any other order had such great value when rearranged.

The very next day I demanded Shigure come see me again. Others believed I was angered by his words and demanded a apology from him. But I was curious, and like all the other times; my curiosity drove my unreasonable actions. Shigure arrived to my room, an uncooperative glare held strong on his face. I wondered if he still found me childish for my explanation yesterday. I deserver his criticism now more than ever. Unlike the day before, I give him my full attention, though my eyes are to the garden outside. I look forward to what he has to say. But knowing Shigure, he would never apologize for stating the truth, even if rumors of my requesting he apologize reached him. So I await some stern comment on my behavior yesterday or my childish pride that won't allow him to get away with what he had said to me.

"You asked for me, Akito?" He relies politely, failing in an attempt to hide frustration and annoyance. I simply nod in response. He waits for my explanation, but receives none. Instead he speaks again, "what is it you have me do? Is there anything you want from me?" I sensed much stress in his voice and pretend I didn't hear him.

"You left without my consent yesterday. My only indention is you make up for it now." I answered with a smug expression. I want nothing more than to see his angered expression when I said this, but I must appear to be unaffected by his presence. Allowing several minutes to go by, I finally give him approval to leave. I hear him sigh in great exasperation.

"You aren't arrogant, so why are you pretending to be!" He yells at me suddenly, nearly making me jump. "Why are you trying to hide how you really feel behind stupid actions such as these?!" He points at me menacingly, and instead of ignoring his remark I bark back.

"And how do you know how I really feel?! I'm not hiding anything! I am being myself!" I regret my action the next moment. In his eyes I must look like a child, arguing against the truth.

"You're hiding everything! You're not a real jerk, you're not even selfish!" His glower look at me makes me shake. I hesitate to yell back, so he calms down. "You're nothing like the malicious person you pretend to be."

My self-grown pride enables me to look him in the eye when I answer. "How do you know anything?" I growled under breath. I suddenly felt my rash verbal assault had wounded him.

"I would know if you told me..." He answered softly with a hurt look. With such a soothing tone, he had managed to corrupt my doggedness with mercy and pity. I wanted to feel mad, angered by his suspicion, but he made me erased such intentions from my mind. I plopped back down on the hard floor with a loud thud, crossing my arms and facing away from him. I suppose he wanted a certain reaction from me, because he didn't leave.

It irritated me greatly. Here I was wanting time to sulk in my misery alone and he won't let me. I hate her. He just had to sound all smart and comforting. If not for him being so gentle and sensitive to me , I would have back handed him long ago like any other disrespectful member of this house hold. I sulk pathetically to myself in silence regardless of his presence or not. I mournfully watched the white cheerful bird outside, hating it, overwhelming it with glower looks of death. I wanted it dead. Even if I were the one to do it. I smirked wickedly at the thought of squeezing the life out of the aggravating creature that plague my very thoughts with its existence and cheerfulness. I would laugh relentlessly as the once vibrant moving bird struggling in my grip, slowed its meaningless resistance and quietly drifted into a motionless and irreversible sleep.

I could feel Shigure's revolting glare at me as he became aware of my sinful thoughts and sneered his nose up as if to smell the most putrid and vile odor ever invented. I secretly laugh at his inward reaction, it was somehow amusing to see what affects I have on him. But soon I became bored with him gawking presence and decided to finally acknowledge him in conversation, so that he may leave soon.

"Can you see it?" I ask, pointing yonder into the luscious garden with beautiful blossoms illuminating the dull yard. Perched politely on a gentle reddish chrysanthemum, that very bird that I had thoughts of destruction only moments before. He looked in front of me and in the direction of my boney, pale index finger.

"A dove?" He answered more than he meant to ask. I nodded graciously and smirked, though it did no good if he could not see my face from where she stood.

"Yes, that annoying creature." I answered. "Tell me...to you what does it represent."

He stared at me as if I had a second head growing from my neck and finally answered. "Something precious. A holy and sacred presence." He finished bluntly, awaiting my response. When I gave none, he continued. "A manifestation of joy, peace, and good fortune to those deserving it."

I waited for more but he stopped and I decided to speak once more. "And how do you feel when you see this creature?" He was about to corrected me on how he just told me that but I quickly stopped him. "Oh, no. You simply told me what you think it means by influences of others. I want your own personal opinion."

He remained quiet and in thought for awhile and then nervously spoke. "Happy?" He said with question. "I...I feel hopeful. Renewed with faith and trust. I feel encouraged, inspired." He hesitated once more in waiting for my purpose for asking such questions.

"Do you know what I feel?" I ask back, sounding rather scary and possessed. He reluctantly nods and I smile. "I feel hate." I say bluntly. I suddenly feel his jaw drop in surprise. How could I possibly receive that feeling from such a gifted spirit such as the dove? "I feel pain. I feel envy." His jaw rejoins the rest of his mouth as he takes on a hurt expression as if he knows what I will say next. "That one bird feels me with enough anger and hatred, I can barely contain it. I despise it so. Its cheerful carelessness. I wonder if it spends even one second thinking of the emotions its caused. To those with hope, they feel as you do...but to those without...we only feel pain. It is the dove that resurrects the feeling of new hope and joy. But why is it playing favorites." I sneered up suddenly and stand, glaring angrily at the bird. "It is here to taunt me. It continues to linger in my presence, flaunting its beautiful purity and spirit, never giving me one day without its cruelty. I can only remember seeing this bird around here for the longest. But not once has it done me the honors of bestowing its blessing upon me. I feel no happiness or optimism when I see it, only hopelessness and despair."

"Its not his duty to arouse such emotion in people. It's our hearts that allow us to feel them when we see him. Your heart just doesn't think it symbolizes joy." He explained best he could. No wonder he was a romance writer, every word that proceeds out of his mouth is a piece of poetry in a way.

"It gives hope...but there is no hope!" I yelled at it, causing it to flutter its wings in astonishment. "There is no hope...at least not for me. So stop rubbing it in my face." I nearly beg, bowing my head in defeat.

"Akito..." I hear his voice sounding concerned.

"At a time, I had hope. But it quickly faded when reality finally seeped in. Those like me...we are not meant to have faith." A shy tear much like the one yesterday found its way to my eye and tenderly rolled down my pale, untouched cheek. "It hurts more to hope..." I slowly turn to Shigure, allowing him to see tears no other has seen before. He gasped at seeing my weak foundation, as I mournfully dropped to my knees once more. He rushed over to my side and surprisingly enough he embraced me for the first time.

No one had ever held me. Yet, here he was, holding me like I'd imagine my mother would. His arms encircled me and cradled my shivering figure in them. Never before had I felt such warmth from another, such safety and comfort. He drew my head into the nape of his neck and 'shh'ed me soothingly like a babe. His scent was alluring and sweet like the stinky, sugary nectar from a flower. It was pleasant and calming, working just as hard as he was to calm my tears.

"I hate them..." I mumbled between us. He didn't reply and just held me there. "Why can't I...?" There is so many words I want to finish the fragment with, but I knew I couldn't say them all. I wanted to have them all answered. Why couldn't I be loved and cared for like the rest? Why can't I live, even if it was to live without love? I could just live. Why couldn't I, in all of my despising and loathing the people that could love, hate Shigure? He was one of them. I knew with his kind spirit, he would grow to have many suitors and admirers. But something told me deep down...he would never choose any of them. I truly wanted to hate Shigure...but I couldn't. I knew eventually he would betray me in this unspoken attachment I've developed for him. He couldn't remain unloved and unwed when I was soon to be dead.

Finally he whispers in the midst of my tears. "It's okay Akito, its okay. Because you don't have to be alone anymore. We can hope together..." He whimpers softly into my ear. If I hadn't known better I would think he was crying too.

His words were kind. But I knew what truth they lacked. It was impossible. There is no hope to have. Nothing to hope for. Everything I've ever none is lost or will be lost. Everything. And Everyone.

A/N: I worked really hard trying to improve my writing and grammar/spelling, so please tell me I did wellIt took me a long time to finally get the emotions to come out like I wanted. I know Shigure may seem alittle OCC, but I think writers change how they talk and act when around others, I know I do, lol. Please review, I'm already half way done with the third chapter! I was hoping for at least 5 reviews before I post it this weekend!


	3. Desperate Pleas Of The Weak

**Chapter Three  
Desperate Pleas Of The Weak**

I don't know why I allowed myself to be so weak in front of him. He managed to carefully pull me from my protective shell, piece by piece. To say at the very least, I hate myself more for it. I know that things will eventually change. And for the worse. If I allowed myself to be vulnerable and open, the more pain would be in store for me. I really believe it is better for me to continue my terrible rain, even if for just a few days. A change now would be devastating.

If I had already made up my mind, then tell why it is I've let Shigure continue to hold me. He still held on tight for dear life, and my tears had slowed by such affectionate contact. I burned with hatred now more than ever. I was allowing him power over me. By just this one simple action, he had managed to turn this whole situation upside down. My weakness was visible and now easy to access. With a role of the tongue to form a hurtful sentence, I could be brought to my knees. Yet, at the same time, I am relieved to have opened up even just a little bit. I now had a shoulder to cry on and a friend to depend on. Despite my liking, it was true. I, the forever destined lone wolf, had a friend and an amazing one at that. Why is it such a situation as given me both joy and sorrow? In the words of my ancestors, such circumstances are considered...bittersweet.

I had drained myself of tears and had grown tired and woozy. Without warning, those same safe hands that had brought me to self-realization, had so carefully pulled me down and laid me across the floor. It was certainly a first for me; my head was securely settled on soft, smooth legs. A new experience; having my head on another's lap as he calmly stilled my violent tears with tender strokes of shoulder length black hair. If not for Shigure's serene aura, I would have never drifted to sleep so easily. The first time I had cried myself to sleep...and it wasn't spent alone. My steamed thoughts had dissipated with gentle caressing of my hair. So I spent that night of first tears, with peaceful dreams in the end.

What is it that causes a man to change his whole out look on life in such quick time, without warning of this inevitable change? I have never been good at literature, so it would take me years to find the actually term. So in a brief one word summary I will call it...Shigure.

_My mother; I am reminded of him every time I look into Shigure's soft brown eyes. But unlike my mother, Shigure held me. There were times in my youth, I sort my mother's comfort, but never were there times she assured me it would be okay. I loved my mother, regardless of her absence. I tried to understand why she avoided affectionate contact with me. And I eventually found out one day..._

_"Mother..." I pleaded seeking her warm hand in mine. I haven't seen her all day, and I merely wanted to see the kind expression on her face that told me...'I'm here for you'. So I searched the many wings of the endless dwelling, but found it hard to spot her out when every hallway looked the same as the one collected to it. Eventually I heard her voice shyly conversing with a stranger. She was in the large study accompanied by my father, who held a stern look. _

_Not wanting that hateful glare directed to me, I didn't enter the room. I cracked the door slightly open, just so I could see them with one eye. I had never seen the man they were talking to. But by the familiarity with him, I guessed he was a Sohma. He had short blonde hair and cold blue eyes that spoke submissive evil. I quickly learned from their conversation, the history of the Sohma curse. I had known about the curse and simply ignored it, thinking it had nothing to concern me. I was born with the ability to change into an animal when hugged by the opposite sex. But I was terribly wrong, for that day I found out exactly how I was greatly connected to this curse._

_"I take it your son is seven now." The blonde remarked seriously. My father nodded in response. "Seeing how he roams the house like he's an explorer, I expect you didn't tell him." Tell me what? My mother nodded remorsefully and held a frantic tear. "Are you sure it is wise? The longer you wait the more uncooperative he'll be."_

_"You can't expect me to be eager to tell my only son he will die for the good of the Sohmas so carelessly, do you?" My mother said rashly with a glare._

_At hearing this my eyes widened and my face burned with fear and sadness. This must be a joke! They probably know I'm eavesdropping and doing this for my being nosy. This can't be true! It can't be!_

_I had lost all common sense, and strutted into the room. All eyes quickly darted toward me in shock. If they knew I was listening, then why do they look so surprised? Unless...they really meant it... "Die?" I repeated shakily. I looked at my mother for assurance, but received nothing more than watery amber eyes much like my own. "Mother?" I shivered when she turned her look to the floor._

_"Akito...don't be...angry with me..." She said painfully._

_I shake my head viciously and make a run for the door. I rushed down the hallway and kept till I found an abandoned storage room. Quickly, shutting myself inside, I sat in the corner, hugging my knees and cried desperately. Nothing could heal this new found pain, nothing! It all became clear to me. Why mother never held me close like I've seen other parents do. It'd hurt too much...to become attached to a worthless cause. So why is it I feel...betrayed. _

_"Mother..." I cry pathetically, alone as it was to be the story of my life. Why did it have to be this way? I don't understand! Just kill me now...and end this pain! _

_"Akito..." I hear a frail voice say my name fearfully. I look from my pitiful position, and am surprised to see someone there. Someone had found me...but why? It was a small boy, slightly older than me. He was shaking nervously, clutching his small, delicate hands together. His sooth, curious brown eyes watched me intensely. His black hair was only at his ears, but I could tell it would eventually grow down to his shoulders. _

_"What do you want?!" I rushed to my feet, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes. "Who are you?!"_

_He just stared at me. Tears much like mine collected in the corner of his eyes. Why was he crying?! Was it for me? Was it pity for me? But I don't need his pity! I don't! I don't need his or anyone else's! I don't need anybody! He looked down painfully and smiled. "I'm sorry...my name's Shigure Sohma..." He glanced back at me. "Will you allow me to be your friend?" He asked cheerfully, though there was still grief and sorrow behind his gentle eyes._

_I glowered at him and walked toward the door. Standing right beside him, "I don't need a friend." And like that I left. Back then I hadn't realized exactly how serious he was. He was persistent. He tried countless times to earn my trust. And without knowing, I had finally gave it to him. He was and always will be my only friend._

_Of course I still dispise him. He was a Sohma, one with the curse. So he would go under the catorgory of people I must die for. Why is it I must die for the stupid Sohma curse?! I'm sure any other person would be safist enough._

It hurt so much to wake from what I had hoped to be a dream. Even if I had manage to slip away from the truth as I slept, it would always return with more suffering the moment my eyes lifted from their peaceful slumber. It all seemed like an unrealistic dream...finding out my fate...and being held in the arms of another. It seem so impossible. A dream out of reach. I know it happened...but my heart refused to believe such things were possible. How could anyone care for someone like me? Just the thought of having his arms around me, made me quiver.

He must have been disgusted to have had to comfort me. I can feel his unwillingness to embrace such a revolting monster, only out of pity and duty, had he did so. If I had not been so important, he would toss me aside without another thought. If I had been any other person...he would have ignored me. I know it...he had to be appalled by me. I am simply a lost cause, a hopeless spirit, a sickening creature, looking for a reason. I wouldn't blame him if he ignored me like my parents...like everyone else.

He had left before I awoke, not like I'd expect anything else. This was merely his display of great pity for me and yet...I felt more from his words.

_"It's okay Akito, it's okay. Because you don't have to be alone anymore. We can hope together..."_

I hear his voice in my head repeatedly. And it aches to think of those words meaning. Is there any truth to this, or just selfless pride backing them up?

I don't know what to do or say now. If I am to see him again...I don't know how I should act. Would he acknowledge my weakness and tease me or will he thoughtlessly pretend it never happened. It would be better that way. To forget...to pretend nothing had changed. It would make life all that more easy to face. If I confront him...I know it will only end in pain.

"Shigure?" There was no response, so Tooru repeated herself. "Shigure." She replied more loudly than before. But like her other calls, this one was ignored as well. "Shigure!" She said finally, raising her voice just enough not to draw other attention besides her original target.

"Huh? Oh, Tooru..." Shigure spoke shyly, slightly embarrassed by his unresponsive state. Giving a phony smile, he laughed to himself. "Sorry about that, I was just-"

"Daydreaming." Kagura growled in frustration, walking into the room with a frown. "What's with you today? Ever since you got back late last night, your head has been in the clouds. What happened at Akito's?" She questioned inquisitively, her right brow raising in suspicion.

His head quickly fell, merely daggling from his neck as a pained sadness illuminated from him. "I don't really know myself. I guess I did something really stupid back there...and now I'm worried about the consequences. Akito is going to have to face me eventually, but I don't know what to say when he does."

Not quit getting Shigure's words, Kagura leaned in closer for better understanding. "What did you do? Knowing Akito, he's just going to ignore you if he's offended."

"I don't think he can..." He sighed remorsefully and smiled weakly, looking back at Kagura and Tooru. "Instead of leaving this up to him, I might as well make the first move." Standing up from the chair he sat in to enjoy a wonderful breakfast, prepared by Tooru for them both, Shigure headed for the door.

"I still didn't get an answer." Kagura groaned unsatisfying. "How can I help him if he won't even let me in on this secretive meeting?"

"Just let it go, Kagura." Tooru said cheerfully. "I sure Shigure is just embarrassed with being around Akito. He certainly goes over there enough. I'm sure they're getting along." She smiled, causing Kagura to sigh in defeat.

"I hope you're right, Tooru. I hope you're right."

Timid, shaky hands clutched into protective fist, pressing hard into the floor boards. A fearful voice stuttered an almost inaudible request. "W-we h-humbly ask if y-you would..." And gathering what like strength he possessed, he hurriedly finished, "allow us to marry!" Such a brief moment of courage had quickly pasted as I delivered a severe glare to the nervous man before me. It had token all of his power to not run if fear of my deadly look, yet he had failed to contain the uneasy shivering. I stood from my spot on the lonesome floor and stared coldly down at the man in his quivering obsession.

"Do you know what you ask of me?" I asked eerily, a frown remained on my emotionless face.

He bowed his head, so that it met with his knees to the floor and anxiously spoke again. "Forgive me for my boldness, but-"

I hadn't given him the time to finish before I had so quickly clutched into his throat with my pale hands. I jerked him from the ground, placing now two faint colored, skinny hands around his thick throat. I let him squirm in my grasp as my grip tightened with ease. Terror rose in his eyes, as my sadistic smirk reflected in them. He was more amusing than I thought he would be. He grunted and gasped for fear that I would squeeze the life out of him. But I would never...allow him to get away that easily. It would be so much more enjoy to watch him live a pathetic life knowing he could never be with the one he loved. Just like all the rest...I would make him fear to love. Only them will I be satisfied with my hunger for equity. He must suffer as I have.

"Please, let him go!" The cowering woman behind him exclaimed, tears flowing from her hazel eyes. It pained her more so, to see me treat him this way. But it is their punishment for requesting such things. I ignored her simple pleas and swung the man violently to the floor, kicking him in the ribs just as soon as he hit the ground. "No! Stop it!" She cried, jumping to his side, throwing her body over his in a pathetic attempt to shield my vicious beatings.

I smirked wickedly, enjoying her resistance to move when I demanded it. It would only make the punishment more fun. I reached over and pulled the girl up by the hair, her loud frail screams echoed in the small contained room. I would have thrown her across the room and returned to kicking the man, but the door came flying open the very next moment.

"Akito!"


	4. Haven't I suffered Enough

**Chapter Four**

**Haven't I Suffered Enough**

Why? Why did it have to be this way? I had made my decision; I wouldn't let what happened change me. Than why is it , I can't move or even speak? I can't ignore him either.

"Akito!" He stood there in the door way. His eyes were stroked with surprise and fear, unlike any before. He was panting heavily, probably from running all the way over here. Then did he know? Did he feel I was up to no good? Had he really came with the pure intentions of stopping me? "Akito! Let them go!" He exclaimed loudly, quickly taking my arm in both of his hands. He shook it viciously, hoping it would free the girl's hair from my grasp, but I held on tight. "Please, Akito!" His voice struggled to release those simple words, but merely cracked under pressure. His head dropped in remorse and his grip tightened. "Let them go." He muttered, his own hands shaky as the realization of his actions sunk in.

"Why are you protecting them?!" I yelled out. I tried to wiggle my arm free in a failed attempt, he would not give up without a fight. "Get off of me right now!" I bellowed, forcing him to slip slightly with my constant moving. He gasped when he lost his footing, but still used my arm as support.

"Leave them alone! They haven't done anything to you!" He tried to convince me of their innocence. "Please." Shigure begged sorrowfully. His head slowly fell and he rested his forehead on my arm. "Just let them go..."

Anger rose in me. I was furious with them and him, but I couldn't hurt them. Gradually, I loosened my grip around the woman's hair, allowing her to slip free unscathed. She fell to her feet and crawled back over to the breathless man. And without exchanging another heartfelt glance to me, they scurried out of the room like two terrified mice. I sneered in frustration, clutching my hands into fist. I turn to the frantic man at my arm, still holding on for dear life. He wouldn't dare look at me after doing that. I jerked away from him grasp and fearsomely shoved him onto the floor.

He hit the ground violently with a rough thud and a painful shriek. Weak with dread, his head daggled nervously between his high should blades. Long veins clouded his eyes and scared expression. I watched as he struggled to his feet, wobbly at first but eventually sturdy. "If you are angry, take it out on me." He replied bravely, never looking me in the eye. I gladly took that offer and slapped him. He had surprisingly managed to stay on his feet after a moment of rickety balance.

I just wanted to holler at him for no apparent reason. I wanted to punch him until my knuckles turned red with blood and sores. I wanted to throw things and ransack the place. Anything. I just wanted to do something. My breathing had grown hesitate with fury. The raising and falling of my chest were no longer gentle and steady but horse and frantic. I winced in fear, tears would soon follow. I had to do something or else I would erupt in unmatched fury and chaos.

"Akito..." His voice came slow and calming, like before. He approached me cautiously. I was steaming when his arms rose and formed a protective covering around me.

"NO!" I yelled. I would not let it happen again. I pushed him away hard as I could with a loud grunt, but he wouldn't budge. I tried once more, but he only got closer, shaking the pain off. I couldn't avoid it anymore. I had to admit...I have no strong foundation. In slow motion, those arms engulfed me again, tightly and comforting. I wept silently to myself. "Why...why won't you leave me alone?" I cried softly, clenching his shirt roughly. I knelt my head on his chest and watched as my tears cascaded down my pale cheeks. "I hate you." I mumbled angrily.

He smiled, not allowing the comment to faze him. "But I'll forgive you for it, Akito." He replied friendly, laying his right hand on my head to soothingly brush down the mangled threads of hair, and his left hand on my shoulder.

This only reminded me more of why I hated him. Here I had push, shoved, and slapped him, but he never hated me for it. He never even hit me back. He allowed me to hurt him, and yet he still was kind enough to forgive me. I had never asked for his mercy or his friendship...but I guess those come without words. I really want ho, to hate me back, I really do. But he won't. He plans to hurt me more. But my fragile heart can only take so much betrayal.

"I'm sorry..." His soft murmur, brought me from my tears as my head shot up in astonishment. I looked into those two bronzed eyes for an explanation. What reason could he possibly have to apologize for? He gave me a phony smile. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have tried to comfort you." My head lowered in acceptance. I knew it. I knew he was unwilling to put up with me yesterday. What had made me doubt it even for a moment? "At the moment it felt like the right thing to do." Laughing softly, he continued. "But I guess it was just cruel on your part. I shouldn't have touched you." It hurt to hear these words from his mouth. Of course I had told them to myself a hundred times but hearing it from the real thing is just...painful. "I didn't realize you would be this angry with me." He whispered. My ears twitched in anticipation. What did he mean? "I thought I was helping...but I only made things worse." I smiled for some strange reason. It made me happy, he didn't understand why I was truly angry. He thought I was mad with her for torturing me. But I was mad with myself for allowing such things to happen.

I had allowed myself to fall into his trap. He was forever weaving my fate in his loom, and I was to obey each step on command. Was this how it felt to be ruled? To have someone pulling all the strings? To have someone control everything you do? It felt hopeless. I have subdued myself into his game of emotions. I had been merely digging my own grave. Shigure had simply been assisting me.

But no longer! I will not be the vulnerable, weakling I have allowed myself to be. No longer will I suffer, no longer will I feel pain. Only those around me shall know my untimely wrath. And with vengeance I will set myself free.

"You're right!" I yelled, breaking viciously from his hold. Without warning I flung him back roughly and stood my ground. "You have made things worse, for yourself." I replied coldly. I could tell he was in disbelief by the surprised expression on his face. I must have really looked stupid to him, with the essence of tears still clear in my eyes and pain in my heart still open from attacks. "You have yet to feel my wrath..."

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There was a frail whimper from behind the door. Hatori, who had been tending to his work, walked from his seat and slide open the door. But nothing had prepared him for what he had seen in his doorway. "Shigure! What happened?!" He exclaimed, rushing to his desk and grabbing a scrapped cloth and wet it in a bowl of cold water. He hurriedly applied the damp fabric to the reddening face before him. "Who did this to you?" He asked remorsefully.

Shigure, never one to place blame, lowered her head. His eyes were glazed heavily over with confusion and emptiness. In all of Hatori's years of working as the Sohma's doctor, he had never seen the man so isolated. Rather than answering him, like he'd hoped, he kept his thoughts to himself. A sickening anger, bubbled in Hatori's stomach as he compressed the cloth into the man's swollen eye. "Shigure, speak to me!" He encouraged, wetting the cloth once more. He picked up his hands, to inspect the damage, but he was startled by there reddening color at his fingertips. His palms were dark from struggle, at least he that's what he thought.

Shigure's palms were quivering with nervousness. "Did...did Akito do this to you?" Hatori asked concerned. When her shoulders tensed at the question, he had his answer. He was fairly disappointed in Akito. Everyone knew that he had feelings for the guy, but merely misunderstood the feeling as intimidating. So why had he allowed him to hurt him. "Shigure...why did you let him hurt you?"

"I am in no position to stop him Hatori." He muttered raspy, probably from shock of what had happened himself. "If he wants to hurt the only people who care about him, than let him." He whispered hostilely.

"What happened Shigure? You would never speak like that." Hatori wasn't easily convinced that Shigure would give up on him. Somehow he knew that Shigure hurt Akito more than he hurt him.

He smiled regretfully and shook his head. The brown eyes met Hatori's one visible eye. "Maybe I shouldn't have hit him..." He laughed shortly.

"You hit him!" Hatori retorted in astonishment. Surely Shigure should have returned with more than a swollen eye. Anyone who tried to defend themselves against Akito, were sure to walk out of here with a cast and a bloody nose.

"I think I hurt his pride more than his body." He chuckled. He had seemed so carefree now as he thought everything through. He was completely unfazed by the reddening eye he had received for his actions. "You might want to go check up on him though, he's going to a sore shoulder for quit awhile, after how hard I pushed him." He replied to himself, ignoring Hatori's speechless presence. "I came here to tell you to help him, not to help me really." He laughed softly once more. "I'm sorry for making your job harder Hatori. I wasn't thinking it would be you hearing all his nagging after I beat him up." He teased, standing up and taking his leave. Just as he made it to the office's doorway, he stopped. "Oh and if he happens to mention the bloody nose, tell him '_that' _was an accident."

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Sitting up on the floor, I tried to leave my dazed thoughts. "Akito!" I could hear Hatori's distraught voice yell from the hall. I averted my eyes nervously as he burst into the room in a panic. I had quickly turned from him, fearing to hear his laughter. Shigure had no doubly told him the truth and he was so astounded by the truth that he had come here to witness the great spectacle. Akito the fearsome Sohma ruler was beat up, but not by just anyone, by an incompetent dog. It would be spread through the Sohma household in no time.

"Akito?" He repeated, approaching me carefully.

"What?!" I bawled angrily. The moment I had faced him, I could see the disbelief and humor in his expression. Sneering poisonously, I crossed my arms and grunted. "Does it look that bad?" I asked, trying to sound not as turbulent as I really was. He released a brief horrendous laugh and grabbed a hand mirror from the dresser in the far corner of the room. He presented the intimidating reflection to me, making me hiss with resentment.

My shoulder length black hair, was haphazardly thrown across my face every which way. My left eye was red and puffy, much like Shigure's when he left. There was an offense split in my bottom lip, that showed a visible streak of blood. But the most detestable feature of my new appearance, was the unsophisticated amount of blood rippling down from my nose. It was shameful and embarrassing to see myself looking so homely. I growled and pushed the mirror from my view. "He'll pay for this." I hissed dangerously, my hands balling into fist as the words became a careful plan within my mind. I thoughtlessly wiped the red fluid onto my long sleeve and walked back to the outside porch.

"So what happened?" Hatori asked, disturbing my peaceful plotting of revenge. Seeing this as a chance to become familiar, Hatori sat beside me. What nerve! He thought this one moment of open conversation would establish him a safe friendship in the near future. Well I hate to burst his bubble, but there shall be no such thing. I see the results for my friendship with Shigure, so I not to particularly pleased with seeking more companionship. For now, I am happy with my solitude. But tonight I will be haunted with the fragments of this event. This day will somehow plague me for the rest of my life...

"You have yet to feel my wrath..."

Shigure stood up and gave me a serious glare. Knowing him, he would allow my punishment. But I was most frustrated. It would all be for nothing if she did not fear the pain. Why did he always stand strong when I threatened him? Am I a threat in his eyes. Was I even worth his time? "I'm waiting..." He said firmly. When I delivered a daggered stare, he countered with her own. "If you truly want to hurt me, than do so. I am not going to stop you." He announced, straightening his position, making him seem more gallant in his belief. "Go ahead! Be the hated person you dread. I guarantee you will receive no satisfaction from-"

I had quickly silenced him with the palm of my had. His face was turned in the direction of the force that had met his eye. I had hit him, wanting to prove he was wrong, but once again he was left with the last laugh. I felt nothing from it. No pleasing pride, not anger from him unresponsive state, nothing. The emotion was empty...

"Happy now?" He muttered, finally returning his eyes to mine. "Your expression now says you aren't satisfied. Do you need more violence to quench your hunger. Will it be enough when you have beaten me?" When I gave no answer and averted my glance from his, he smiled. "I thought so." It remained quiet for what seemed like forever.

My sulking didn't really help in the silence. But when I lifted my head to console him of my apology, I was met with a gruesome blow to the gut. I cringed in pain, kneeling before him as I held my aching stomach. That was certainly unexpected. I looked up at him startlingly, he was smugly grinning.

"What? You didn't think I would actually think I would let you get away with hitting me and not return the favor, did you?" He smirked and laughed as if the punch had been apart of my imagination. "Now that my debt is settle, I'll be leaving." He pronounced, heading for the door.

I couldn't let him get away that easily. I ignored the sharp pain in my stomach and launched for him just as he headed for the door. But I wasn't expecting him to fight back, when he turned around and shoved me to the floor. My shoulder, unfortunately eased my landing against the hard wooden floor. I shrieked in pain, holding the sore bone as I curled on the floor. "What was that for?!" I yelled back.

"Oh, you do expect me to defend myself as a man? My bad, I didn't know I was suppose to let you surprise attack me." He chirped mockingly. When I glowered at him furiously, he sighed and walked toward me. "You're such a baby." He whined, kneeling down before me. Shigure reached for my shoulder, but I quickly flinched from his touch.

"I don't need your help!" I spat venom at him in my words, but she wouldn't accept that declaration. He lodged for me suddenly, but I pushed him back once more. "Leave me alone!" In refusal, he jerked my other hand away so I could no longer protect myself. I tugged and struggled in his grip.

"Stop fidgeting you big baby! I'm not going to hurt you anymore." But of course I did listen. I only squirmed more, kicking and punching randomly with my sore arm. "Urgh!" Shigure growled loudly as he jerked both of my hands away. This time when I tugged back, I had mistakably pulling his flailing arms at myself. I had heard him gasp when his elbow unexpectedly collided with my face. "Akito!" He hollered, flinging my arms away and examining my face. His brows now furrowed in fear, I graced my face with my fingers to access the damage. A sneaky, wet crimson liquid was seeping down the side of my face from my nose as I laid of the floor motionless. I examined my slick fingers now covered in the wine like substance. I'm sure Shigure was startled by how dilated my eyes became at realizing my own blood was covering my face. "I'm so sorry Akito!" He wailed, rushing to his feet. "I'm going to get Hatori!" He yelled, racing out the door before I could say another word.

A/N: I'm so sorry for not updating in so long, I've been so busy. But I made this the longest chapter so far! So I hope you all like. I know Shigure seems a little out of character but I just building him for future chapters,lol, see ya soon. I bet everyone thought Akito beat the mess out of Shigure, didn't you? Well its humor since the story has been all drama and angst for awhile so I could resist the fight


	5. A Beggar's Plea

**Chapter Five**

**A Beggar's Plea**

I was oblivious to how my own humiliation was rising as I considered my embarrassing tale. Then again how was I to know the only person I had ever known to remain serious at all times, would childishly be mocking me from behind. It became evident through his convulsing as he laughed softly to himself. By the end of my explanation I had been reduced to a laughing stock. "Hatori! Don't Laugh!" I demanded as the sense of ridicule had caused me to blush.

"I'm sorry Akito. It's just..." He occasionally quickened over the thoughts in his head. "It was about time you get was coming to you." You could only imagine the extent of my suffering when my own doctor was laughing over my rout by the hands of a stupid dog. I quickly stumped to the other side of the room, hoping his laughter would remain out of earshot. But he followed me. "Akito, don't be angry with me. It's more humorous because you are not only weak but blind." Blind? How so? My eye sight was perfect. "Though you did try to defend yourself, is there a reason you let Shigure defeat you? Anyone else in that situation; you wouldn't have let them get away with that." What points was Hatori trying to make? Just because I didn't hurt Shigure like any others in a fight, didn't mean I didn't want to. "You know what Akito?" My auburn eyes reverted back to Hatori, anticipating his broad range of knowledge. "Shigure has never meant to hurt you. In everything he does, he worries over your safety."

What did it all matter, I was miserable enough at this point? Everyone making me out to be an idiot did not help in the least. Why should I have cared Shigure had never had the intention of harming me. One insignificant girl's action should not so easily change the influence of many on me. My irresponsive state seemed to upset Hatori, for it appeared I hadn't given his statement any thought. Finally he sighed, "must you play the helpless victim all the time? You should at least be grateful someone isn't counting the days off till your death." With that said, Hatori patted my shoulder and walked out.

Once again I was left alone to drown in my own stupidity and resentment. Hatori's words had left me foaming in rage. He had the nerve to say I was exaggerating the wrong done to me. Had I not wasted eighteen years fearing my imminent demise? Had I not been victimized by the hate of my own people- who not only look forward to my death but would take part in it with the flip of a coin? Had I not been expected to welcome death all in the name of my kind? Had I not longed for the satisfying human emotion of love and security, but been denied it so many times? How could Hatori accuse such a thing with a straight face? I had hoped to deserve better advice than that, but simply I was unworthy. It had came to me that maybe I was unworthy of being missed after my death. Who would morn for a soul such as mine. For a brief moment I imagine Shigure's smiling face. Would he really?

This fickle heart of mine dared to remember his protective arms going around me and his caring words speaking to me. Had he not just hours ago attacked me in revenge, I would have truly believed he would be the one to actually morn over my final farewell. But even then, my heart ached and my mind rattled with another memory. "It's okay Akito, it's okay. Because you don't have to be alone anymore. We can hope together..." Why could I not allow myself to forget these words? They had always lead me to believe that he still cared for me and would long after I am gone.

It wasn't until the definite sound of raining filled my ears, that my thoughts were dragged into completion. Just outside the softest shower had started to wet the earth. It was normal to have these mini-downpours in the spring, but it was rare I ever gave them any notice. They did not matter to me, for I was forever commanded to remain in my room, where I was told I was safe. But from what? In reality these same four walls, thought to be my protection, had proven themselves to be my down fall. Not only had I developed an empty loneliness within this contained room, I had closed off things I needed long ago.

My hands had long ago turn pale and frail from the sun I lacked. At times of great humidity, my hair would turn brittle instead of the expected fuzzy. And it was not unusual that a guest happening to walk through the garden would mistake me for a ghost. But I have grown so accustomed to these idle transformations that I rarely gave then any thought. Though it has become harder to ignore these obvious differences when those that come to visit me invoking my help point it out either orally or by the look in their eyes.

My own distant staring was now directed to the falling water. How could it look so beautiful with the sun still shining brightly, making the tiny droplets glitter after landing on the small shrubbery in the garden? Like elegant little crystal falling from the sky, I wished to catch them while they were still perfect and gleaming. But I even knew they would lose their beauty after touching my skin. Maybe if I possessed some of this beauty, I too would be admired by many. Despite how childish that theory had prove to be, I would have loved to test it. But in order to do so I would have to disobey rules that were told to me.

Would it be so dreadful for me to walk outside among the world of the truly living? My life had already been put on the line with my back door always open to let in the outside air extending to the porch, if this fact was to be true. What would it all matter any way? My life is already being threatened, my days are numbered. It would make no difference if I was to die a day earlier or even a hour.

With this thought in mind, I approached the door. I stood silently before the wet world, my eyes filled with worry and terror. It had been so long since I had been outside last. I doubted it would even look the same, since I've been told the world is ever changing in appearance.

As if my entire world stopped that very moment, I stepped off the porch and out from beneath the shield roof. A chilled immediately sent shivers down my spine as the tiny rain drops graced my flesh with their presence. One by one the water collected on my, it was not nearly heavy enough to completely soak me, but I was wet none the less. It was as a shroud of trouble and worries had been lifted off my shoulders, or simply the clear drops had cleansed me of them.

Raising my head, I stared blankly at the sky, the clouds were brightly outlined by the sun behind them. How could it all have looked so majestic and exotic when this same sky had been just over my head for many years? Though it was ever present to me, they had always remained foreign and unfamiliar. I outstretched my arms toward the heavens, feeling the wetness gather in the palm of my hand and form a little puddle. Streams of pure droplets rain down my arms and I hadn't minded the tingly feeling left behind. The sensation of having my hair flatten and stick to the nape of my neck and my forehead, was almost completely forgotten. I blinked each time a rain drop landed on my face and yet managed to avoid my eyes. I wondered if it would happen to fall within my auburn orbs, would they be cleansed all of they had saw. Would such harmful memories be eased? Memories and pain that I in fact had created with my own two hands. The people I had hurt, the hearts I had broken, the faith I had betrayed, or memories I had erased; would I be freed from all of that suffering I had caused?

I wondered if Hatori would have forgiven me for how I had sent away the love of his life. Could Yuki forgive me for forbidding his marriage to Kyou? Would Kyou forgive me for cursing his very existence, telling him of his worthlessness? After remembering all of my family I had hurt, I couldn't see then forgiving me. Even I were to ask for their forgiveness this moment, it would be unlikely. They had grown to hate me as much as I had taught myself to hate them. If I could not convince myself to like them one more how can I so easily expect them to do the same?

Curse this regret of mine! Curse this sadness and this hate! I want nothing to do with them, these feelings that I could never grasp an understanding of.

Before I realized it, those dreadful tears returned to my eyes. I didn't remember how long I had been standing here. Slowly my arms fell back to my side, my hands clutched into fist. My clothes had soaked through, then again that was no surprise, for the rain had picked up and it was no longer the gentle shower I had first come to feel. Now it was raining hard, and no longer was the sun's outline visible in the sky. It was dusk and the sky was nearly all red. My head fell and I starred at the mud that had formed beneath my bare feet. My garments were so long they had sweep up the dirt and grim from when I had first stepped out side and were now covered in an extra layer of filthy as the rain made the ground thick with quagmire. And the blood from my previous fight with Shigure had washed away, yet my clothes reamined stained in its memory.

There was a brief moment I had forgotten everything, and a smile actually clipped the corners of my mouth. Though it was not for happiness that I was smiling, but deep frustration. I felt as if my face would crack from this simply, unused gesture. I might have looked like merely a mad man, but in truth, I was. For all my trying and all my hard work in trying to find something in my life to hold on to, I had pushed everything left, away. I had begged for a family that would loved me for who I was or at least a friend, and yet I was offered that and gave them the cold shoulder. If I had known better, I might have given them a second glance. There was only a second between the time of my realization and the time of change. I simply yelled at the top of my lungs, no words escaped, just the painful screaming that had been etching at me to be let out.

My world was crumbling beneath me and I had no one left. Why did I feel so miserable? I got everything I ever wanted. To torture those that I had thought tortured me? To make everyone feel as I do every single day? I fell to my knees, ignoring how the mucky puddle beneath me gathered around my limbs. I clutched desperately to the dirt, my head falling and the tears never ceasing. It wasn't until an angelic voice yelling out my name did I come out of my dismal spell. I didn't dare to look, it was not worth seeing his reaction on my pathetic state. My stomach churned in shame and embarrassment. Why did I suddenly feel so sick?

"Akito! What you doing out here, you will get sicker!" Shigure exclaimed. I heard the quick pattering of his feet as they dashed across the porch floor boards and into the mud beside me. Apparently he hadn't cared for his own clothes, for he kneeled to the ground as well, his hands gripped my shoulders and trying to bring me up, but I remained unmoving. "Come one Akito! Get out of the rain!" Shigure demanded, tugging more roughly than before.

Why? Why not let me just die right here? Those simple questions played at the tip on my tongue, but I hadn't the courage to ask it. With one last tug I was finally brought to face him, yet still remaining on my knees. Though covered in rain and mud, I had never felt so clean before, for I had released all of this pent up frustration. My eyes meet with his the next moment, and I had not saw the same sparkling happiness that was usually there during his visits, but a fearful emptiness as if he had truly lost something dear. "Please Akito, just get out of the rain..." Shigure pleaded, though I gave him no response. I was tempted to do just that when his warm palm caressed my cheek tenderly. "Please..." His voice now only a soft whisper laced with concern. I imagined the thoughts going through his mind at the moment. I must have looked crazy to him, as if my mind had finally broke.

"Can...can I stay a little longer...please." I found myself whispering in return. I did not want to leave the rain that had brought me to my sanity, at the moment it was my only friend. It would not betray me like the others, and it would not abandon me.

Shigure must have saw this in me too, that I was not the same, for he did not object. His hands released me and he stood back up, stepping back as he watched me linger in the cold mist that had set in.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I'll update sooner, and I do look forward to reviewsthey lighten my spirit!


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